Updated: Mar 18, 2018
Some days, most days motherhood brings me to my knees. The days are filled with constant demands of my time, my body, and my undivided attention. I feel as though I may shatter into a thousand pieces. The feeling starts to swell and surge inside of me. Just as I'm about to yell or scream, my inner voice whispers not to, but I feel at a total loss of what to do instead. So, it happens I yell, I say something I wish I hadn't, and for a fleeting moment, there is a brief sense of relief. The same kind of relief a teapot must feel when the boiling water is let out. The relief lasts but a brief second followed by the crushing guilt. Now here I am at the end of the day, replaying the list of"failures" wondering where I went wrong. I promise myself that I will do better, be better. Of course, before I had children, I swore to myself that I would never behave this way. Day in and day out the same scene plays out. I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm not alone in this but let's face it, this is not a story most of us are sharing at play dates. It feels too vulnerable, too real but if we're to share and let go of the illusion of having it together maybe we could heal each other.
Let's go back to the explosive feeling what if we were to have paused and asked the inner voice what to do instead? What if it said "take a deep breath" we may have responded with " yeah right, do you hear what's happening here"? Perhaps it would have said " you're trying to do too much in this moment" the point is we will never know what gold lies underneath the feeling of wanting to explode if we don't take the step forward and ask that voice what to do next... taking the deep breath wouldn't hurt though. I happen to love the effects of left nostril breathing, it relates to calmness and relaxation. Breathing through the left nostril for three minutes can calm me and keep me from making some bad decisions. Sit or stand (whatever you can manage at the moment) Close your right nostril with your right thumb; your other fingers are stretched straight up. Close your eyes and concentration at your 3rd Eye (the space between your eyes) Begin to breathe long and deep only through your left nostril. Continue for three minutes. This meditation calms me down instantly and expands the moment and creates another option. An option that doesn't leave me with a guilt hangover. Rather than beating ourselves up over the mishaps of the day, investigate further and pay particular attention to the explosive moments through the eyes of love, not fear, ask what could have been done differently leading up to it. Find the gold; it's always there.